Bubblestand (transcript)

SpongeBob: Ah, what a wonderful day. The sun is out, the water is shimmering, scallops are chirping. So peaceful. (SpongeBob grabs wood, hammer, and nails, then starts building a bubblestand.) Squidward: Can we lower the volume, please? I can't work with all that racket going on! SpongeBob: Oh, sure thing, Squidward. Squidward: Ha, yeah right. SpongeBob: Okay. (SpongeBob taps on the nail lightly, then looks up at Squidward's window, and repeats this 5 times.) Squidward: And now, some soothing sounds from Squidward's clarinet. Thank you, thank you. (Squidward starts to play. SpongeBob looks up and sees that Squidward is playing his clarinet, so he decides to finish building the stand quickly. Squidward looks out at SpongeBob.) Squidward: I thought I... wha? SpongeBob: Hey Squidward! Wanna blow some bubbles? Only 25 cents. Squidward: Oh, right. Like I would spend a moment of my time blowing bubbles. SpongeBob: Uh huh! Squidward: Oh please! I mean, who in the world would pay to blow bubbles? (Patrick's rock opens.) Patrick: Good morning! (Patrick falls off his rock.) Squidward: Oh, boy. (Patrick walks over to SpongeBob.) SpongeBob: Good morning to you sir. Would you care to blow a bubble? Patrick: Hmmm, how much is it? SpongeBob: Only a quarter. Patrick: Sounds reasonable. Um, I'm going to need to borrow a quarter. SpongeBob: Sure thing, Patrick. (SpongeBob pulls out a quarter and gives it to Patrick.) Patrick: Ah, one quarter. (Patrick hands SpongeBob the quarter. SpongeBob bites it to see if it's real, and it bends.) SpongeBob: Thank you. Squidward: Ha, business is booming. How did I ever get surrounded by such loser neighbors? Heh. SpongeBob: One bubble wand, dipped and ready to go. (Patrick grabs the wand from SpongeBob, inhales deeply and begins to blow, but nothing happens. After a while, SpongeBob puts up a Lessons sign.) SpongeBob: Could I interest you in some lessons? Only 25 cents. Patrick: Uh, very well then. Hey, Sponge, can I borrow another quarter? (SpongeBob hands Patrick a quarter.) Patrick: Thanks. SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, it's all in the technique! First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times. One, two three. Then pelvic thrust. Whooooooo, whooooooo. Stop on your right foot, don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring-it-a-round-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, then this, then that, then this and that, and then... (SpongeBob blows three bubbles; one big duck and two small ducks.) Patrick: Oooooh. (SpongeBob pops out of nowhere and blows a box. Patrick giggles as SpongeBob blows a caterpillar.) Patrick: Ahahaha. (SpongeBob blows a boat bubble. It floats off, then pops and makes a foghorn noise.) Squidward: Huh? (Squidward looks at his clarinet.) SpongeBob: And now... with two hands! (SpongeBob inhales deeply, and blows an elephant bubble while circus music starts playing. Patrick starts laughing.) Patrick: It's a giraffe! (The elephant floats into Squidward's house and explodes. Squidward angrily walks outside and goes toward the bubblestand.) SpongeBob: Excuse me sir, but we are cl... Squidward: Don't give me any of that! How can you two possibly make all this noise just blowing bubbles? SpongeBob: We're not just blowing bubbles, we're making bubble art! Watch carefully. First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times. One, two three. Then pelvic thrust. Whooooooo, whooooooo. Stop on your right foot, don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring-it-a-round-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, then this, then that, then this and that, and then... (SpongeBob blows a butterfly which flies over to Squidward, lands on his head, and finally pops.) Squidward: That's not art! That's just annoying! Blowing bubbles, that's the lamest idea I have ever heard! (SpongeBob and Patrick put their head down as they walk to Sponge's house.) Squidward: You should be ashamed of yourselves! Bubbles. Ha. Art. (Squidward mumbles, then picks up bubble wand, sniffs it, and inhales to blow a bubble. SpongeBob pops up out of nowhere.) SpongeBob: That'll be 25 cents, sir. Squidward: Ah, whoa, what? Oh, who would pay 25 cents to blow bubbles? SpongeBob: We also offer lessons for beginners. Squidward: Beginners? What could be more simple than blowing a stupid bubble? Here's your 25 cents! (Squidward hands SpongeBob a quarter. SpongeBob bites it to see if it's real, and it bends.) Squidward: Watch and learn. (Squidward inhales deeply and begins to blow, but nothing happens.) Squidward: Uhh, wait, wait, wait. One more time. Wait. (Squidward inhales and blows again. A small bubble comes out and quickly falls to the ground and pops. Squidward looks over ant SpongeBob and Patrick. They gulp then whistle. Squidward places another quarter on the stand.) Squidward: Just a mere warm-up. SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, remember the technique. (Squidward keeps trying while SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to show him the technique.) SpongeBob and Patrick: Technique, technique, tech- (Squidward looks at them annoyed.) SpongeBob: You're not doing the technique. Squidward: Technique? Technique? Technique, technique, technique, technique, technique! First I do this, spin around. Stop. Double take three times. And here we go... pelvic thrust. Whooooooo, whooooooo. Oh, stop on your right foot, don't forget it. Then bring it around town. And a little of this, a little of that, a little of this, a little of that, this, that, and this. And that and this. this that this that. Then ahhhhh! Ahhhhh!! (Squidward blows huge bubble that lifts him off of the ground.) SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow! SpongeBob: All right Squid! That was so good! Patrick: Squid is number one! Squidward: I really did it, didn't I? You guys didn't blow anything like that! SpongeBob: No. Squidward: Now that's a bubble! SpongeBob: You said it, Squidward. See, it is all in the technique! Patrick: Yeah, technique. Squidward: Technique? Ha! SpongeBob, you don't think I created that... (Squidward kisses one of his tentacle.) Squidward: ...beautiful work of art with your help? Come on, it's in my genes. SpongeBob and Patrick: Squid's got genes! Squid's got genes! Squidward: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. (Squidward goes back in his house.) SpongeBob and Patrick: Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward... Squidward: I rock! (Squidward's bubble flies over them, covers Squidward's house, and pulls it out of the ground and up towards the surface of the ocean. SpongeBob notices then stops Patrick.) SpongeBob: Squidward! SpongeBob and Patrick: Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward: Hello my friends, you are looking at a... (Squidward looks down and sees Bikini Bottom getting farther and farther away.) SpongeBob and Patrick: Squidward! Squidward: ...genius. (The bubble explodes.) SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow! (As house falls to the ground, SpongeBob and Patrick run towards their own houses. Squidward's house lands in its old spot, and he plays his clarinet.) End